As a former victim of bullying, there are certain things that stick out in my mind when I think about children these days. But how do we get through to them to let them know that it is ok to tell and or ask for help? Most bullies will threaten the victim to hurt them even more if the victim tells on the bully...so how do we reach are children and teach them that it is perfectly fine to be a "tattle tell" if they are having problems?

Talk to your child and let them know that you cannot help them if you don’t know that something is wrong.

Tell your child that you are concerned about them and that you are there to help them if needed.

Ask them direct questions like: are there any kids at school, on the bus, or in the neighborhood that is picking on you or someone you know?

If and when you find out that your child is being bullied...act quickly. Contact the teacher of the class, the bus driver, or the principal. You should also contact the parents of the child doing the bullying.

The fact is that some parents may not be aware that their child is a bully. You have to convince the victims that they cannot be scared to speak up for themselves, and that they have people to help them. Statistics show that present day, kids are being bullied at an alarming rate. And when the victims have no one to turn too, they turn to violence themselves. If there are weapons in the house, the victims will either turn it on the bully, or on themselves and commit suicide...those should not be our kid’s only options. We cannot continue to turn the other cheek and let our kids down. We as the parents and teachers should be the first line of defense.

Stats show that if your child has: braces, glasses, considered to be "too tall", "to short"; "too skinny", "too fat/big", "too smart"...these will be the prime targets of bullies.

Let your child know that they can trust you, and that you can and will help them.

Most bullies are cowards...they have something wrong with them or at home that makes them lash out and be dominate against there peers. They usually have low self esteem, and other flaws, so to divert the teasing that they would or have suffered, they find a weaker person than them and pick on them. You will NEVER see a bully pick on someone bigger or tougher than them.

Lastly, in today’s society, we have to be aware as parents that there is: physical, mental, emotional, verbal and now cyber bullying. We have to protect them from any and all types of bullying.

Some references provided by: D. Olweus, Bullying at school, D. Olweus, S. Limber, S. Mihalic: The bullying prevention Program

S.K. Bailey

In recent news kids all over who are considered "different" by their peers have been getting bullied, taunted, beat-up and tormented. What would you do if your child was indeed the "bully"?

I'd like to share an article I recently read that can help you identify a bully. Hope this makes you think!

Where do mean children come from? Could one be growing in my household? How about yours? Could your child be a bully?

Now I suspect most parents would never consider their own child as a mildly mean spirited or downright vicious bully. After all, or intuitive focus is on our kid’s strengths and good character. But as I heard about the disturbing stories outlined above, I asked myself “where were these kid’s parents?” “Why weren’t they doing anything to stop the bullying?” Then it hit me! Perhaps they didn’t know.

I started to wonder about the parents of the teens currently under prosecution for bullying Phoebe Prince to the breaking point when she committing suicide. Did these parents know their kids were bullies? Now that their kids risk juvenile court for “criminal” activity, I bet these parents would give anything for a chance to go back in time and be better aware. I for one never want to be in their shoes. I want to take steps to make sure my child doesn’t come close to being a bully.

When we think of bully, we usually think of the extreme type. Sometimes, however children can be a mild version of a bully without even knowing it. For example, name calling, spreading rumors, and hiding another child’s belongings are types of bullying. Racial, religious, and cultural mocking even if done innocently are qualifiers as well. A child, who does this anonymously, behind the security blanket of computer screens or phone text messages, might be guilty of cyber bullying. And “guilty by association” bullying is easy to do by laughing along with a crowd that is poking fun at someone.The list of minor or extreme offenses can go on and on.

Parents who play the role of detective by asking open ended questions are able to find out more about their children’s level of involvement in potential bullying. Here are some questions that help to get dialogue started.

• What happens on a typical school bus ride to school and from school?
• Who are the kids that got in trouble on the bus or at school this week? Why did they get in trouble? What kind of association, if any, do you have with these kids?
• How can you avoid “guilty by association” bullying?
• How do you feel when you see someone bullied? This is an important question in which parents can assess the level of empathy in their child. Most researchers believe that empathy can be cultivated. For an excellent poem that can help to do this, refer to How Parenting With Emotional Intelligence can Weaken Bullying.
• What do you do when bullying occurs? Why?
• What’s your definition of bullying? Here, parents have an opportunity to educate their child on types of bullying that the child may not be aware of.
• If you were a Superhero, what would you do to stop bullying? How can you implement some of those ideas as just a “regular” kid?

Parents can also help to monitor their child’s behavior by conversing with other parents and being aware of social circles and trends. Remember the saying “It takes a village”. Lastly, I believe it is a parent’s responsibility to peruse the social media activity of their children. It is an excellent way to assess thoughts, language, and behavior patterns of your child and those that he /she interacts with.

Though these questions or ideas may seem basic, they have the potential to save an innocent victim from emotional or physical trauma. They also have the potential to keep your child from partaking in hurtful behavior and the risk of getting into trouble. Ultimately, constant vigilance from parents in the form of monitoring children, and creating dialogue help.

Reader comments are appreciated. Pleasantly toned comments (even if you disagree) are cherished! Please leave your comments and helpful suggestions.

Keyuri Joshi RN, MSN, is a Certified Parenting and Emotional Intelligence Coach
On the Ball Life & Parent Coaching
www.ontheballparent.com

www.ontheballparent.com/blog

I'm just a silly, fun little girl, who loves my family, my friends and dancing. I am happy that I can share my feelings with the world.  Maybe my new book can help people feel better about themselves and stop people from being mean to others.

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Most people look at those who are obese and automatically "think" they eat too much and they live an unhealthy lifestyle. Contrary to those beliefs there are a number of diseases that can cause obesity.
As the mother of LaNiyah, I would say that I was guilty of that for years until it hit home for me. After going from doctor to doctor and coming up with the same ignorant answers we had to fight against what society and the doctors who only looked at the surface and not the root were saying and took a stance on going forward and putting as much time needed into finding out what the cause of LaNiyah's un-imaginable weight gain was stemming from. I know we weren't eating at McDonald's and Burger King everyday or housed cabinets full of junk in our home so, that misconception was squashed.

It became a job for me to do my research and not take "She's just fat" as the answer.... We went to four different doctor's to get opinions and I'd say the last two, is where we started to get answers and people that really understood our point and wanted to go deeper. They actually found out one cause which was extreme constipation after viewing one x-ray. She’s now on medication for this issue. Today we are still testing genetics and other things but, to have a team of doctors who care and see what we saw, and sincerely want to find the root of this problem is awesome!

The bottom line here people is that we must not judge a book by its cover and teach our children the same.
We must also go above our limit and fight for answers to things we don’t understand and we will then get the help we need.   - LaToya "Toyiah Marquis" White